One of the things I
like to do is create. I love art, and I love sculpting the most. There
was a time when this was my life. I used to arrange my creative time
around my babysitting, tutoring jobs and working at my church.In the
busiest times, when I had only a few minutes to spare between jobs, I
would still find the time – make the time – to create.
I have been recently looking at photos of my past work and arranging them in albums by date. Six years ago, I left my job at the church, my tutoring jobs came to an end, and I stopped babysitting. I suddenly had all the free time in the world. In arranging my albums, however, I noticed a decline in the amount of sculptures I have made over the last six years. I went from creating all the time, to making excuses about not having the time.
Over the past few years these excuses have flowed into other areas of my life, including relationships and basic day-to-day tasks. My grandmother had gotten sick and I started using her illness as an excuse to not visit with friends who asked to come over. I also started using her illness as an excuse not to do anything creative.
A few weeks ago a friend and I made plans to get together and do an art project. I had not seen her for over 2 years. Every time the idea of getting together was presented to me, I’d have some excuse, such as “I am not feeling well” or “I sprained my ankle.” I would even present the “no one can come over unless your room is clean” rule that I had when I was a child, or “”I never know when I have to watch my grandma, I am really busy,” etc. As I was making plans with her, I realized that I had been using anything and everything I could find to use as an excuse to isolate from everyone.
Excuses had become my life, and had taken over. I was not really living my life. I was existing, barely, but not living. I was pushing my life away, keeping it at arms length with my excuses.
Spending time with my friend was what I needed to realize this. In the weeks since, I have been working on not using any excuses. I am back to sculpting and setting up my projects. Every day I do something creative. It is a process. Every day is not perfect, but it doesn’t have to be. I still sometimes find myself using the excuse of being tired or too busy to not get my hands into the clay, and I know it’s a hard habit to break.
But there is so much life I have missed out on and continue to miss out on when I am pushing it away with excuses. Even though it will take some time to refocus and get out of the old routine, I know it will be worth it.
I have been recently looking at photos of my past work and arranging them in albums by date. Six years ago, I left my job at the church, my tutoring jobs came to an end, and I stopped babysitting. I suddenly had all the free time in the world. In arranging my albums, however, I noticed a decline in the amount of sculptures I have made over the last six years. I went from creating all the time, to making excuses about not having the time.
Over the past few years these excuses have flowed into other areas of my life, including relationships and basic day-to-day tasks. My grandmother had gotten sick and I started using her illness as an excuse to not visit with friends who asked to come over. I also started using her illness as an excuse not to do anything creative.
A few weeks ago a friend and I made plans to get together and do an art project. I had not seen her for over 2 years. Every time the idea of getting together was presented to me, I’d have some excuse, such as “I am not feeling well” or “I sprained my ankle.” I would even present the “no one can come over unless your room is clean” rule that I had when I was a child, or “”I never know when I have to watch my grandma, I am really busy,” etc. As I was making plans with her, I realized that I had been using anything and everything I could find to use as an excuse to isolate from everyone.
Excuses had become my life, and had taken over. I was not really living my life. I was existing, barely, but not living. I was pushing my life away, keeping it at arms length with my excuses.
Spending time with my friend was what I needed to realize this. In the weeks since, I have been working on not using any excuses. I am back to sculpting and setting up my projects. Every day I do something creative. It is a process. Every day is not perfect, but it doesn’t have to be. I still sometimes find myself using the excuse of being tired or too busy to not get my hands into the clay, and I know it’s a hard habit to break.
But there is so much life I have missed out on and continue to miss out on when I am pushing it away with excuses. Even though it will take some time to refocus and get out of the old routine, I know it will be worth it.
