I have been very hyper the last few days telling everyone what God has been doing in my life this year. I have seen myself in a little over a year go from someone who was headed down a dark path of eating disorder behaviors to someone who's living life once again. This experiencing life as I used to before 4 years ago is exciting. I am happy, I am really enjoying doing what I used to, sculpting and sewing and wearing girly clothes!
A year ago January I ended a 4 month period of severe overeating and went directly into restricting, however I didn't see it that way. I was eating healthy foods but very little of it and ate only a certain amount. the weight started dropping.. Because I had just come out of overeating time, I would sneak in foods I felt were bad and feel guilty for eating them.
By Easter I had lost quite a bit of weight and then my mother did the unspeakable, she gave me candy starting with a box of marshmallow bunnies, which is a trigger food for me I have since learned. I got a ton of candy on Easter Sunday and by Monday it was all gone. I had eaten it all, this put me in a period of binging again. I did not eat a large amount but it was more than my petite frame needed. this went on until the second week of may.
In June I got a book called Hollow :an unpolished tale by Jena Morrow.. and through Jena I found out about Finding Balance, which has been a blessing to my life.
Since the Middle of June, I have been visiting the Finding Balance website. The video section is my favorite. I am a very one on one kind of learner so the videos having a one on one feel to it, It's easy to understand, and is like having someone personally teaching you what you need to know.. which is perfect for me, since this is how I learn best.
Summer was pretty good.I spent all summer on the finding balance site just learning. I did have some trouble eating, but I would watch a video and eat, as if I had my own eating coach right there. It was very encouraging to be able to have a resource that I did not have 6 years ago.
By late august when my grandmother changed hospices, I relapsed into the obsession to lose weight and worked very hard to get out of it. This relapse lasted a month and actually caused some physical problems. my health was not as good until last month. I felt tired, it messed up my period similar to 6 years ago when I was not eating, thankfully though eating well, and vitamins my health is completely restored to where is had been.
I survived the Holidays. I was thankful to have the finding balance website available, It was a hard time for me, as I was a little depressed about it being my grandma's last holiday with us. On Christmas eve, she woke up and was able to enjoy our family Christmas with us.
The new year brought a lot of stress for me, I got very obsessed with losing weight again for the impending funeral. I have a dress that doesn't fit anymore.. I have decided to buy a new dress for the funeral, whenever that is and not stress about it.
February came and brought some good changes to my life. As my health improved, so did my emotions. I have seen God speak to my heart on different issues such as jealousy, perfectionism, how I perceive myself. He's restored my ability to sculpt and be creative. For the first time in 4+ years I am enjoying creating and sculpting.
I have seen myself trade in my eating disorder behaviors and obsessions for the life I once lived. Compared to this time last year, my life has made a 180 turn around. I can't say everyday is perfect but I am able to get through the hard days a lot easier.
I am still hanging on the Finding balance website. I am really enjoying the new site. The new blog format is so easy to read, I love the videos are there for when I need them. However I no longer depend on videos to eat. I can just eat on my own. I have been dealing with a lot of triggers but for the past week or so, the video "know your triggers" has been very helpful. It's not that I am not going to have triggers, I just need to react to them differently than I have in the past.
