Thankful the things I am learning from Finding Balance and Jena Morrow are convicting

Some days I hate being called out on the carpet for my behaviors, other days I appreciate it. This conviction some days is really needed.

This week has been a crazy week, I had been busy last weekend painting and letting God speak to my heart while listening to Jena Morrow and Constance Rhodes on the issues of perfectionism and eating disorders.

However, one issues remains, and that is self injury. Self injury had been a part of my life heavily about 6 years ago. I had started when I was about 8-9 years old. In talking with a friend, she pretty much had told me that I was self injuring because I could not speak about how I was feeling.

The last week or so I have been back into the old mindset of self injury. A scratch here and there..to me seemed harmless enough.. however. I decided to sit and hang on the finding balance site last night and watch some videos in their resource section, originally it was going to be about food issues, which turned into watching the videos on self injury. This morning however, I am feeling the same "called on the carpet" feeling that i feel when I am actively engaged in eating disorder behaviors. It's easy to slip back into the old patterns and behaviors.

I have not been actively engaged in any eating disorder behaviors or thinking this week. I am thankful I can see myself for who I am, and not see myself as severely obese when I look in the mirror. I was standing on the ladder when I caught my reflection in the mirror of the spare bedroom last weekend while painting. Seeing myself for who I really am is amazing, usually I do not see that when i look in the mirror.

This week has been a good week pretty much, I have been busy with living my life, enjoying my time with my grandmother. One of the things that was very convicting to me last weekend as God spoke to my heart while listening to Jena Morrow, while in the middle of painting the hallway, also while standing on the top step of the same ladder. Was when Jena said "without faith it's impossible to please God" and how the way to please God is to trust him.. I just stopped painting and listened, then she said "There's a day coming when we'll see very clearly that we've been trusting in somebody who's very very real" My grandmother showed signs of her body shutting down on Thursday. I went into a "I feel out of control" period of time..until I remembered that God is in control of everything. I then went to the store.. when I came home my grandmother had improved.

This conviction some days is easy to get me to change my behaviors, some days not so easy. However I am thankful for it regardless.