It's Autism Awareness month, a month to bring awareness on autism..
however I am going to talk a little bit about eating disorders and
autism.
I am mildly autistic. I also have sensory processing disorder. Neither
one defines who I am, but they do sometimes create havoc in my life.
My autism causes social anxiety.. My sensory processing disorder causes
me to be overly sensitive to smells, tastes, sounds, touch and visual
stimuli.
As a small child, I was the kid that would not touch certain things. Playing in sand or dirt was something I could not stand. I would cry at
just the sight of a fire truck, I knew the sound of the sirens were
coming. I was afraid of nearly everything. I was very hands off kid, I did not like being touched, hugging my parents was not
something I enjoyed. People have taken my lack of hugging as a personal
rejection of them. I spent my childhood overly sensitive and fearful of things that
normally bring joy to little kids, I would cry, scream and the sight of certain things. The people
around me did not understand that my overloaded senses caused me pain
and anxiety. Some people would laugh and make fun of me because to them
it was funny that I was afraid of these things, to me it was painful.
I have heard that people with autism sometimes have issues with eating. I
am not excluded. Growing up it was not really noticed, a lot of kids are picky eaters. As an adult it is more noticeable, especially in
restaurants where there is sometimes food that is unfamiliar to me. I
have a hard time trying new foods. If a burger is not on the menu, I'd
just rather not eat. I fear trying new foods partially because of
familiarity, partially because I am afraid of what it would taste like
or how the texture will be.
When I was 14 years old I started binge eating. As a child I was not
allowed to have a lot of junk food, as soon as I started babysitting and
earning my own money, my mother stepped back and gave me the freedom to
do what I wanted with my money. I chose food. My best friend had died
the year before, I know that part of this binge eating was trying to
fill the void in my life with food, but part of it was sensory input. I
could not stop eating. The sensory stimulation that these food provided
was something I needed, but it was something when left out of control
harmed me. I could not see it at the time.
I have struggled with not only binge eating but anorexic behaviors. Restricting my food is a common occurance, however if offered one of my foods I eat for sensory reasons, I can switch to overeating in a matter of minutes. I have spent time working with kids who have multiple disabilities and autism. I have noticed a similar pattern with their eating, as well as mine.
I have found that my eating routines teeter between autistic behaviors and anorexic behaviors. It's not uncommon for me to line up my food on my plate and eat the food in a particular order or a certain food first, or use a certain dish or kind of spoon or fork. I know this can be anorexic behaviors but for me it's sometimes sensory or autistic behaviors. As a child to help keep fighting over colors to a minimum, my mother assigned colors of plates to my brother and I. For years I kept to this color, then one day my mother got rid of the colored plates and got plates that were all alike. We had grown and no longer needed assigned colors.. however this change was hard for me, I found it hard to eat off the new plates, I am still struggling with this issue. I am not sure what kind of issue it is, possibly a cross between both eating disorder and autistic. It's unclear, however I do know if I go buy my own dishes I have no problem changing. I think it's possibly a control issue.
This past year I have been learning to separate my eating issues into
two categories, sensory and binging, so I can figure out what the issue really is. This past Christmas, I had gotten
some ice cream that was only available during the holidays. I bought it
and my mother asked me why I got it.. I quickly informed her it was not
eating disorder related.. it was for sensory reason as I liked the taste. She then
said "what's the difference? buying ice cream for sensory or overeating reasons, both can be a
problem". Since then if I feel the temptation to over eat, I stop and
try and figure out what reason is behind it. If it is for sensory
stimulation, I sometimes will let myself go ahead and eat it knowing
that it may trigger other emotions or behaviors which I will have to
work out later. Sensory input is very important, however it has to be
done in a way as not to trigger other eating issues. If it is eating
disorder behaviors I then work on getting past that in a healthy way.
Many people would not make a connection between eating disorders and
autism or sensory processing disorder, but there is one. I am not sure how it works, or how it is for others, but for me they are intertwined. I know it is common
for autistic people to have eating disorders but it is often overlooked
because of the obsessions,routines, familiarity, which is important for
the person to have in order to navigate their surroundings and make life
more comfortable for them. However sometimes it can be harmful when
left out of control, as not every autistic person over eats like I
sometimes do. Some autistic people have no eating issues, some over eat, and
some are anorexic which is why it is important not to ignore it just
because a person is autistic.
In my journey of trying to recover from my eating issues, I find I am often overwhelmed by my sensory issues. I know I need sensory stimulation, trying to find a way to give myself what I need without engaging in harmful eating disorder behaviors is a very difficult task.
